By Dr. M – Psychologist
As human beings, we are wired for connection. From infancy, our sense of self is shaped by how others respond to us (Bowlby, 1960). Feeling valued and respected is not just a pleasant experience — it is a fundamental psychological need that underpins emotional well-being, personal growth, and resilience. Conversely, when individuals consistently feel overlooked, disrespected, or demoralised, the impact on mental health can be profound, influencing everything from self-esteem to overall life satisfaction.
In this article, I’ll explore the psychological importance of feeling valued, the consequences of persistent demoralisation, and what research — as well as real-life experiences — teaches us about cultivating environments that foster respect and validation.
The Psychological Need for Recognition and Respect
Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs highlights esteem as a crucial component of psychological health. According to Maslow, esteem needs include feelings of accomplishment, recognition, and respect from others, which contribute to self-worth. When these needs are met, individuals are more likely to develop confidence, motivation, and a sense of purpose.
Psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory (SDT) also underscores the importance of relatedness — the need to feel connected to others — as a key ingredient for psychological well-being. Feeling valued by others strengthens this sense of connection, creating a foundation for personal growth and emotional resilience.
When people feel appreciated, they internalise a sense of worth. This validation becomes a buffer against adversity, reinforcing the belief that they matter and that their contributions are meaningful. In contrast, environments that neglect or diminish an individual’s value erode this protective layer, making it harder for them to withstand life’s inevitable challenges.
The Impact of Demoralisation
Demoralisation occurs when individuals experience persistent feelings of powerlessness, worthlessness, and a lack of purpose. Research indicates that demoralisation is closely linked to depression, anxiety, and burnout, often emerging in environments where people feel unsupported, dismissed, or repeatedly let down.
In clinical settings, the concept of “learned helplessness,” introduced by psychologist Martin Seligman, offers insight into how chronic demoralisation takes root. Seligman’s research demonstrated that when individuals are exposed to repeated negative experiences without the ability to change their circumstances, they begin to believe their actions have no impact — leading to apathy, hopelessness, and emotional withdrawal.
In personal and professional contexts, a similar process unfolds when people consistently feel disregarded or disrespected. For example, an employee who repeatedly has their ideas dismissed in meetings may eventually stop offering suggestions, not because they lack creativity but because they’ve learned that their voice is unwelcome. The same applies to relationships: when someone feels chronically unappreciated, they may withdraw emotionally, believing their presence holds no significance.
The Role of Trust and Relationships
Trust is the foundation of meaningful relationships. Whether in personal life, education, or professional environments, trust emerges when people feel consistently valued and understood. When this foundation is absent, relationships become fragile, and emotional well-being deteriorates.
John Bowlby’s attachment theory sheds light on how trust forms early in life. Children who experience warmth, attention, and validation from caregivers develop a secure attachment style, which carries into adulthood, shaping how they navigate relationships. Securely attached individuals are more likely to trust others and feel confident in their worth. On the other hand, those who experience neglect, criticism, or inconsistent care may develop anxious or avoidant attachment styles, leading to difficulty forming and maintaining trusting relationships.
In adult relationships, feeling valued plays a crucial role in sustaining connection and trust. When partners or friends regularly acknowledge each other’s feelings, perspectives, and contributions, trust is reinforced. However, when people feel ignored, invalidated, or consistently let down, trust erodes, and emotional walls go up. This can lead to isolation, resentment, and emotional shutdown.
The same dynamics apply in workplaces and communities. When employees trust that their voices will be heard, they’re more likely to contribute ideas, take initiative, and collaborate. In contrast, when workers feel overlooked or dismissed, they disengage, resulting in decreased morale and productivity. The loss of trust in leadership can spread quickly, creating toxic environments where silence replaces innovation and fear stifles growth.
The Workplace: When Voices Go Unheard
The workplace is a microcosm of broader human dynamics. Just as personal relationships flourish when people feel valued, organisations thrive when employees feel heard and respected. Yet, far too often, workplaces become breeding grounds for demoralisation, with employees feeling invisible, unappreciated, or even deliberately silenced.
When employees’ voices are consistently unheard, the consequences ripple through both the individual and the organisation. The initial response is often frustration and confusion — employees wonder if their ideas lack merit or if they’re doing something wrong. Over time, frustration gives way to resignation. Why speak up if no one is listening?
This silence breeds stagnation. Employees who once brought enthusiasm and creativity to their roles begin to share and engage less, often doing the bear minimum. Psychological studies have shown that feeling ignored at work is even more damaging to morale than being criticised. Criticism, at least, acknowledges presence. Being ignored sends the message that you’re invisible — and that hurts.
Burnout becomes inevitable in these environments. The World Health Organisation defines burnout as “a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” It manifests as emotional exhaustion, cynicism, and reduced professional efficacy. In my practice, I’ve worked with professionals who felt drained not by the work itself but by the persistent feeling that their efforts didn’t matter.
One such client, a dedicated teacher, repeatedly proposed new classroom strategies only to be met with indifference from school leadership. Over time, she stopped innovating, and her once-vibrant passion for teaching dimmed. Eventually, the emotional toll became too heavy, and she left the profession altogether. Her story is not unique. When workplaces fail to value employees, they lose not just individuals but the creativity, insight, and energy they bring.
Cultivating a culture where employees feel valued isn’t complicated. It starts with simple actions: acknowledging contributions, actively listening, and providing constructive feedback. Leaders who foster open communication and recognise employee efforts create environments where people are motivated to bring their best selves to work.
Healing and Rebuilding Self-Worth
The good news is that healing is possible. Restoring a sense of value requires both personal and relational efforts. On an individual level, cultivating self-compassion is key. Dr. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion highlights the importance of treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially during moments of failure or self-doubt. This shift can interrupt the cycle of negative self-talk, creating space for self-acceptance and growth.
Equally important is surrounding oneself with supportive people. Whether through therapy, friendships, or professional mentorship, having at least one person who sees and affirms your worth can be transformative. Research by psychologist Carl Rogers emphasises the power of unconditional positive regard — the acceptance of others without judgment — in fostering healing and self-acceptance.
On a societal level, creating environments where people feel valued requires intentional action. In workplaces, recognising contributions, providing constructive feedback, and fostering inclusive practices help cultivate cultures of respect and belonging. In relationships, simple acts of acknowledgment — expressing gratitude, listening attentively, or offering words of encouragement — can profoundly impact emotional well-being.
Conclusion: The Power of Being Seen
Feeling valued and respected is not a luxury; it is a psychological necessity. When people are consistently validated, they thrive. When they are repeatedly demoralised, the consequences ripple across every aspect of life — from self-esteem to relationships, work, and mental health.
If we hope to build healthier individuals, communities, and workplaces, we must start by recognising the profound power of acknowledgment and respect. Sometimes, the simplest acts — a kind word, a listening ear, or a moment of recognition — have the power to change lives.
In the words of psychologist Carl Rogers: “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.” Let’s strive to be those people for one another.
References:
• Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer Science & Business Media.
• Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396.
• Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. HarperCollins.
• Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person: A therapist’s view of psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.
• Seligman, M. E. P. (1972). Learned helplessness. Annual Review of Medicine, 23(1), 407–412.
Dr M’s thoughts 