I often sit across from adults who are struggling—not just with present stress, but with the lingering echoes of pain that began decades ago. These are echoes from classrooms, hospital corridors, foster homes, playgrounds, and sometimes even battlefields. They come in many forms: the child who lost a parent too soon, the one who felt invisible in a chaotic home, the teen bullied for being different, the family who fled war with only memories and trauma in their suitcase. As a psychologist and researcher, I have come to understand that trauma is not reserved for the most dramatic headlines—it is deeply personal and entirely subjective.
What Is Childhood Trauma, Really?
Childhood trauma, by definition, refers to events that pose a threat to a child’s sense of safety and stability, emotionally or physically. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA, 2014), trauma in children can result from a wide array of experiences: “natural or manmade disasters, abuse, neglect, family dysfunction, and sudden loss.” It’s a broad umbrella, under which fall experiences like being bullied, losing a beloved pet, parental divorce, or being displaced by war—like so many children from Ukraine and other conflict zones.
It’s not always the event itself that causes trauma, but how the child perceives and processes it. A seemingly ‘minor’ event can have profound effects if it overwhelms the child’s ability to cope. In my practice, I’ve met adults carrying trauma from moments that were never validated by others because they weren’t considered “big enough.” Yet the nervous system doesn’t lie—it remembers.
How Trauma Lives in the Body
Trauma doesn’t stay tucked away in a childhood memory box. It lives in the nervous system, in our patterns of response, in how we connect (or disconnect) from others. Bessel van der Kolk, in his seminal work The Body Keeps the Score (2014), describes how trauma can literally reshape both body and brain, particularly when experienced in childhood. Chronic dysregulation, hypervigilance, dissociation, anxiety, and emotional numbing are just some of the enduring symptoms I see in adults who were once traumatised children.
This is particularly true for those who experienced emotional neglect or ongoing stress, which can be as damaging as one-time traumatic events. Felitti et al.’s (1998) groundbreaking Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) study showed a clear correlation between the number of traumatic experiences in childhood and physical and mental health problems in adulthood—from depression to heart disease.
From the Playground to the Therapy Room
One adult client I worked with shared how being persistently bullied in school, though not “traumatic” by textbook definitions, left her with decades of social anxiety and deep self-doubt. Another had grown up in a family where emotional expression was punished—never physically abused, but always emotionally starved. He, too, bore the scars.
Equally, I’ve worked with families displaced by war—mothers holding their children tightly while recounting the bombings they fled from, children unable to sleep, jumpy at loud noises. Their trauma is visible and raw. But often, it is the quieter, more insidious forms of trauma that adults carry in silence for years. Many feel shame that they’re still affected—“I should be over this by now.” But trauma has no timeline. It embeds itself into the fabric of who we are—until we find ways to meet it with compassion and healing.
Managing the Stresses of Childhood Trauma as an Adult
Healing is not about erasing the past but creating safety in the present. Here are several evidence-based strategies I’ve found effective in both my research and clinical practice:
Psycho education and Validation
Understanding trauma’s impact is powerful. Adults who realise their struggles are not a personal failure, but a neurobiological response to trauma, often feel deep relief. Research shows that psycho education can increase self-compassion and engagement in therapy (Courtois & Ford, 2016).
Body-Based Therapies
Because trauma lives in the body, talking alone isn’t always enough. Approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), Somatic Experiencing, and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy can help reprocess trauma stored in the nervous system. Yoga and breathwork also support regulation of the autonomic system (van der Kolk, 2014).
Safe Relationships and Attachment Repair
Many trauma survivors need help learning how to trust again—starting with the therapeutic relationship. Creating safety and consistency in therapy can help repair internal models of self and others. This is often a slow process, but profoundly transformative.
Narrative and Meaning-Making
Writing, storytelling, or art can help trauma survivors give shape to experiences that felt chaotic or fragmented. Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, emphasised how finding meaning in suffering can transform it. I’ve seen this in clients who write poetry about their loss or create visual journals that give voice to what words cannot.
Trauma-Informed Living
Living with trauma means learning to listen to your body, set boundaries, and build rituals of safety. This might mean saying no more often, prioritising rest, or spending time in nature. Small choices can help signal to the brain that “it’s safe now.”
The Road Ahead: Compassion Over Cure
There’s a myth that we must ‘fix’ trauma to move forward. I believe it’s more helpful to aim for integration rather than erasure. To understand ourselves not as broken, but as shaped by experiences—some painful, some beautiful, all of them real.
Trauma in childhood, no matter its source, has a ripple effect. Whether it’s the loss of a pet that felt like losing your best friend, the confusion of separation or divorce, or surviving atrocities no child should witness—those early moments imprint deeply.
But the good news, and I’ve seen this time and time again, is that healing is possible. We can learn to hold the child we once were with tenderness. We can meet the adult we’ve become with compassion. And we can walk forward—scarred perhaps, but not defined by our pain.
References:
Courtois, C. A., & Ford, J. D. (2016). Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders in Adults, Second Edition: Scientific Foundations and Therapeutic Models. Guilford Press.
Felitti, V. J., Anda, R. F., Nordenberg, D., et al. (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), 245–258.
SAMHSA (2014). SAMHSA’s Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach.
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
Frankl, V. E. (1946/2006). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.
Dr M’s thoughts 