There comes a point in many people’s lives when they feel emotionally wrung out. Not quite depressed, but certainly not content. A quiet kind of exhaustion seeps in—resentment at daily demands, emotional flatness, the sense of going through the motions. You might mutter, “I’m just browned off,” or “I’m so fed up.” And while these phrases sound like mild grumbles, they often signal something deeper—emotional burnout, chronic stress, or unacknowledged distress.
This isn’t just a personal struggle—it has a ripple effect. Especially in families with children, where adults’ emotional wellbeing silently shapes the atmosphere of the entire home.
What Does It Mean to Feel ‘Browned Off’?
The phrase “browned off” may sound old-fashioned, but the feelings it describes are anything but rare. It reflects emotional exhaustion, irritability, disillusionment, and frustration with life’s daily grind. These feelings are often dismissed or minimised—but they share features with low-grade depression, chronic stress, or emotional burnout, which are clinically recognised concerns.
According to the World Health Organisation (2019), burnout is characterised by emotional exhaustion, cynicism, and reduced professional efficacy. While it was originally used in the context of work, many adults—especially caregivers—experience a version of this in daily life. They feel depleted, hopeless, and disconnected from the things that once mattered.
Why Does This Happen?
The reasons are complex and layered. Some of the most common contributors include:
1. Chronic Stress and Emotional Labour
When individuals consistently juggle high demands with low support, chronic stress builds up. Over time, this can trigger emotional fatigue, irritability, and even physical health issues (McEwen, 2006). This is especially true for caregivers, parents, and those working in emotionally demanding roles, where there is often little time to decompress.
2. Unresolved Trauma or Loss
Past trauma, grief, or unresolved emotional wounds can quietly simmer under the surface, influencing how a person reacts to present-day stress. Felitti et al. (1998) in the ACE Study found that adverse childhood experiences increase the risk of mental health difficulties in adulthood, including chronic stress responses and emotional dysregulation.
3. Lack of Restorative Connection or Purpose
Many adults become so focused on productivity that they lose connection with activities or relationships that nourish them emotionally. According to Ryan & Deci’s Self-Determination Theory (2000), fulfilment of three basic needs—autonomy, competence, and relatedness—is essential for psychological wellbeing. When these are lacking, apathy and frustration can take over.
4. Masking Emotions for the Sake of Others
Parents and carers often try to stay strong “for the kids,” but suppressing difficult emotions can actually heighten stress. Research by Gross & John (2003) shows that emotional suppression is linked to reduced wellbeing and lower relational satisfaction. It’s not about avoiding hard feelings—it’s about being able to acknowledge them safely.
The Quiet Impact on Children
Children are highly perceptive. They pick up on tone, body language, and the emotional atmosphere of the home. Even when adults try to hide their stress, children often internalise the mood.
Here’s what the research tells us:
1. Emotional Contagion and Dysregulation
Children are deeply influenced by the emotional states of their caregivers. Research by Morris et al. (2007) on emotion socialisation highlights that children learn how to interpret and respond to emotions by watching their parents. When caregivers are chronically stressed or emotionally unavailable, children may struggle to regulate their own emotions.
2. Internalising or Externalising Behaviours
Children in emotionally stressed households may exhibit increased anxiety, aggression, or withdrawal (Cummings & Davies, 1994). These behaviours are often ways of expressing distress that they can’t yet articulate.
3. Development of Core Beliefs
Young children often blame themselves for the emotional climate in their homes. Without explanation or emotional support, they may conclude that they are the cause of their parent’s sadness, irritation, or silence (Siegel & Hartzell, 2012).
When to Ask for Help
Recognising that you’re “fed up” isn’t just a passing mood—it can be a red flag for something deeper that needs care and attention.
Here are some research-backed indicators that it may be time to seek support:
Persistent low mood or irritability lasting more than two weeks (NICE, 2022)
Emotional withdrawal from your children, partner, or life roles
Trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, or loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities (DSM-5, 2013)
Feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks or responsibilities
Using substances or distractions (e.g., alcohol, food, screen time) to numb emotions
Many people delay seeking support because they believe others have it worse, or that they “should be able to cope.” But mental and emotional exhaustion deserve the same care as physical illness. Asking for help isn’t failure—it’s repair.
What Support Can Look Like
Support doesn’t always mean therapy right away. It might begin with a conversation, a step back, or a shift in routine. Some meaningful options include:
1. Mental Health Services
Accessing a counsellor, psychologist, or GP can help you explore what’s going on beneath the surface. According to the British Psychological Society (2021), early intervention improves outcomes and prevents chronic difficulties from escalating.
2. Parent Support Groups and Peer Networks
Talking with others in similar situations reduces isolation and increases perspective (Barlow et al., 2012). Knowing you’re not alone can offer profound relief.
3. Time for Yourself Without Guilt
Restorative time is not indulgent—it’s essential. Research by Pressman et al. (2009) shows that leisure activities reduce psychological distress and enhance emotional wellbeing.
4. Honest Conversations at Home
You don’t need to share every detail with your children—but acknowledging you’re tired or sad helps them make sense of the atmosphere. It also models emotional honesty and resilience.
A Message to Those Who Are Struggling
If you’re reading this and recognising yourself in these words, know this: you’re not broken. You’re human. Worn out doesn’t mean weak. Browning off doesn’t mean giving up. It means your emotional reserves are low, and your needs may have gone unmet for too long.
You matter. Your emotional health matters—not just for you, but for the atmosphere you shape at home. And your children don’t need a perfect parent—they need a connected one. A parent who shows them that life can feel heavy sometimes, but that there are ways to carry the weight differently.
Remember : It’s a signal not shameful
When life wears us down, and “fed up” becomes the default setting, it’s a signal—not a shame. A sign to pause, reflect, and ask: What do I need? Who can support me?
Because “when adults heal, families grow” (Magennis, 2024). And when we care for ourselves, we teach our children to do the same.
References
Barlow, J., Smailagic, N., Huband, N., Roloff, V., & Bennett, C. (2012). Group-based parent training programmes for improving parental psychosocial health. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, (6).
British Psychological Society. (2021). Psychological support for people experiencing long-term effects of COVID-19. BPS Guidelines.
Cummings, E. M., & Davies, P. (1994). Children and marital conflict: The impact of family dispute and resolution. Guilford Press.
Felitti, V. J., Anda, R. F., Nordenberg, D., et al. (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), 245–258.
Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348.
McEwen, B. S. (2006). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators: Central role of the brain. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 8(4), 367–381.
Morris, A. S., Silk, J. S., Steinberg, L., Myers, S. S., & Robinson, L. R. (2007). The role of the family context in the development of emotion regulation. Social Development, 16(2), 361–388.
NICE. (2022). Depression in adults: recognition and management. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence.
Pressman, S. D., Matthews, K. A., Cohen, S., Martire, L. M., Scheier, M. F., Baum, A., & Schulz, R. (2009). Association of enjoyable leisure activities with psychological and physical well-being. Psychosomatic Medicine, 71(7), 725–732.
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68.
Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2012). Parenting from the inside out: How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. TarcherPerigee.
World Health Organisation. (2019). Burn-out an “occupational phenomenon”: International Classification of Diseases.
Dr M’s thoughts 