Introduction
I’ve spent years sitting with people in their most vulnerable moments. The therapy room is a place of truth, courage, silence, and sometimes, tears. It’s where pain meets compassion and where stories long buried find their voice. Over time, I’ve come to believe that while each client’s journey is unique, the emotional echoes they carry are deeply shared.
Trauma Is Not Always What It Seems
We often associate trauma with dramatic events—accidents, violence, disasters. But many of the clients I work with carry complex trauma: subtle, chronic emotional injuries stemming from childhood neglect, unstable caregiving, or sustained invalidation. These experiences shape the brain and nervous system in powerful, lasting ways.
As Judith Herman (1997) explains in Trauma and Recovery, trauma’s power lies not only in the event, but in the violation of trust and connection. Bessel van der Kolk (2014) expands on this, describing how trauma disrupts the body’s ability to regulate emotion and distinguish past from present.
“Trauma is not about weakness. It’s about survival.”
Understanding Triggers: When the Past Interrupts the Present
Clients often come to therapy confused by their own emotional intensity: “Why did I react like that?” Triggers are the answer. A raised voice, a smell, a glance—these can all activate deep-rooted memories and feelings that are difficult to control.
As Stephen Porges’ (2011) Polyvagal Theory suggests, our nervous system constantly scans for danger. When a trigger is detected, the brain may bypass rational thought entirely, igniting fight, flight, or freeze responses. These reactions aren’t irrational; they’re protective mechanisms shaped by experience.
The Shared Human Experience in Therapy
Despite varied backgrounds and stories, most clients ask the same silent questions:
“Am I lovable?” “Am I safe?” “Am I enough?”
Therapy offers something many people have never experienced—a safe, attuned relationship. Drawing on attachment theory, I’ve come to see that healing is not just about insight. It’s about connection. As Dan Siegel (2012) writes, we need to “feel felt” in order to truly heal.
And this process works both ways. As a therapist, I too am human. I’ve cried after sessions. I’ve held the weight of stories that echo my own. But through this work, I’ve also witnessed profound resilience—clients rising, slowly, steadily, toward wholeness.
The Winding Path of Healing
Healing is rarely linear. Clients often feel discouraged by setbacks, but I encourage them to view healing as a spiral—each return to old pain is a chance to go deeper, to respond differently.
In therapy, we explore:
Grounding and somatic techniques to calm the nervous system (Levine, 2010) Narrative work and memory integration Music and rhythmic interventions, which research shows support emotional regulation (Thaut & Hoemberg, 2014)
We also make room for joy. Laughter, creativity, song, and beauty aren’t distractions—they’re medicine.
When the Therapist Needs Healing Too
Clients sometimes ask, “How do you cope with hearing so much pain?” The answer is: I tend to my own. I have therapy. I walk. I breathe. I listen to music. I rest.
Burnout and vicarious trauma are real. But so is vicarious resilience—the quiet inspiration I draw from the courage of those I sit with. They remind me that healing is possible. That even the most broken-feeling moments can become part of a new narrative.
Closing Reflections: From Pain to Meaning
Ultimately, my work has taught me this: people do not need to be fixed. They need to be seen, heard, and held.
Healing is not the absence of pain, but the presence of connection, choice, and meaning.
To my clients—thank you. You’ve taught me about endurance, honesty, and the extraordinary strength that grows in vulnerability. And to those reading this who carry hidden pain: you are not alone. Your story matters. And your healing is possible.
References
Herman, J. L. (1997). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books.
Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice. North Atlantic Books.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory. Norton.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press.
Thaut, M. H., & Hoemberg, V. (2014). Handbook of Neurologic Music Therapy. Oxford University Press.
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking.
Dr M’s thoughts 