Parents Matter Too

Psychological support for parents navigating neurodiversity

Parents Matter Too — a weekly therapeutic reflection supporting parents of neurodiverse children.

Week 4: Parental Burnout — When Exhaustion Becomes Emotional Numbness

Beyond “Just Tired”

There is a particular kind of exhaustion many parents struggle to describe.

It is not simply physical tiredness.

It is not solved by a weekend of rest.

It is not even always visible to others.

It is a deeper depletion — emotional, cognitive, relational.

Parents sometimes say, “I don’t feel like myself anymore.” Others describe feeling flat, irritable, or detached. They may continue functioning — attending meetings, preparing meals, responding to school communications — but internally something feels dulled.

This is often the early language of burnout.

Understanding Parental Burnout

Parental burnout has increasingly been recognised within psychological research as a distinct phenomenon characterised by overwhelming exhaustion related specifically to the parenting role, emotional distancing, and a reduced sense of efficacy (Mikolajczak et al., 2019). While all parents can experience burnout, risk is significantly higher where chronic stressors are present and recovery opportunities are limited.

Parents of neurodivergent children often face sustained stress across multiple domains — caregiving demands, advocacy responsibilities, systemic barriers, and uncertainty about the future (Hayes and Watson, 2013). When high demands are paired with limited emotional replenishment, the risk of burnout increases.

Unlike acute stress, burnout develops gradually. It is cumulative. It builds quietly.

Burnout Is Not the Same as Depression — But It Can Feel Similar

One of the challenges in recognising parental burnout is that it can resemble depression. Parents may report low energy, emotional withdrawal, reduced patience, or loss of enjoyment. However, burnout is typically context-specific — it is most pronounced within the parenting role and may ease temporarily when the parent is removed from those demands (Mikolajczak et al., 2019).

This distinction matters. Burnout is not a personal failing. It is a signal that the balance between demand and emotional resource has become unsustainable.

Research indicates that prolonged parenting stress without adequate support can increase vulnerability to anxiety and depressive symptoms over time (Faden, Merdad and Faden, 2023). Early recognition and intervention are therefore protective.

The Emotional Consequences of Prolonged Depletion

When exhaustion becomes chronic, emotional responsiveness can shift.

Parents may notice shorter patience, sharper reactions, or alternatively, a sense of emotional numbing. Some describe feeling guilt for wanting space. Others feel shame for resenting the relentlessness of responsibility.

But burnout does not arise from lack of love. It arises from lack of recovery.

Human nervous systems require cycles of activation and restoration. When restoration is repeatedly postponed — because appointments must be attended, emails must be answered, needs must be met — emotional reserves diminish.

Over time, depletion can narrow perspective. Small setbacks feel catastrophic. Hope feels harder to access. Self-criticism increases.

This is not weakness. It is overload.

A Therapeutic Perspective

From a counselling and psychotherapy standpoint, parental burnout deserves careful attention rather than dismissal. Supporting parents to recognise early signs of depletion can prevent further psychological distress.

Therapeutic work may focus on:

Identifying chronic stress patterns Rebuilding self-compassion Creating realistic expectations Restoring boundaries where possible Supporting nervous system regulation

Importantly, therapy provides a space where parents are not required to perform competence. They can speak openly about exhaustion without fear of judgement.

When parental wellbeing is strengthened, relational capacity improves. Emotional steadiness returns gradually. Parenting begins to feel less like survival and more like connection again.

A Gentle Reflection

If you feel emotionally flat, that deserves attention.

If you are functioning but internally depleted, that deserves care.

If you no longer recognise the parent you once were, that deserves compassion.

Burnout is not a verdict on your ability.

It is a signal that you have been carrying too much for too long.

.

References

Faden, S.Y., Merdad, N. and Faden, Y.A. (2023) ‘Parental stress and perceived social support in parents of children with neurodevelopmental disorders’, BMC Psychology, 11(1), pp. 1–12.

Hayes, S.A. and Watson, S.L. (2013) ‘The impact of parenting stress: A meta-analysis comparing parents of children with and without autism spectrum disorder’, Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 43(3), pp. 629–642.

Mikolajczak, M., Raes, M.-E., Avalosse, H. and Roskam, I. (2019) ‘Exhausted parents: Development and validation of the Parental Burnout Assessment’, Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 1021.