Parents Matter Too

Psychological support for parents navigating neurodiversity

Parents Matter Too — a weekly therapeutic reflection supporting parents of neurodiverse children.

Week 1: When Parents Are Expected to Cope

There is a moment many parents describe, often quietly, sometimes with tears, sometimes with a deep sigh.

It is the moment when their child’s neurodiversity comes into focus — a diagnosis, an assessment, a shift in understanding — and suddenly everything revolves around supporting that child. Appointments increase. Reports arrive. School meetings become frequent. Strategies are suggested. Transitions follow one another closely.

And somewhere in all of this, the parent disappears.

Not physically — but emotionally.

Many parents tell me that once the attention turns fully to their child, they themselves are expected to cope. To be resilient. To manage. To hold it all together. As adults, they are assumed to have the emotional capacity to carry the weight of uncertainty, advocacy, and constant adjustment, often without space to acknowledge their own emotional response.

From a psychological perspective, this is not a neutral experience.

Research consistently shows that parents of neurodivergent children experience significantly higher levels of chronic stress compared with parents of typically developing children (Hayes and Watson, 2013). This stress does not arise from a lack of love or commitment; rather, it reflects the ongoing emotional, cognitive, and practical demands placed on parents over time. Advocacy, navigating systems, managing uncertainty, and responding to frequent transitions create a sustained pressure that rarely eases.

What many parents describe is not a single breaking point, but a gradual depletion.

Psychology refers to this as cumulative stress load, where repeated demands on the nervous system occur without sufficient recovery or emotional support (Pardo-Salamanca et al., 2024). Over time, this can lead to emotional exhaustion, anxiety, low mood, and a persistent sense of being on edge (Iao, 2024). For some parents, particularly where transitions are abrupt or poorly supported, these experiences can carry features associated with trauma responses (Faden et al., 2023).

Despite this, parents often minimise their own distress.

They tell themselves they should be coping better.

They remind themselves that their child’s needs must come first.

They push their feelings aside because there is simply no space to fall apart.

From a therapeutic lens, this response is understandable.

Parents are frequently placed in a dual role: emotional anchor for their child while also acting as advocate, organiser, and protector within systems that are not always flexible or compassionate. When parents are required to sustain this role without adequate emotional support, their nervous systems remain in a heightened state of alert. Over time, this reduces emotional capacity, increases self-criticism, and makes coping feel increasingly fragile (Rodriguez et al., 2019).

If this resonates, it is important to name this clearly:

Struggling does not mean you are failing.

Feeling overwhelmed does not mean you are weak.

Needing support does not mean you are taking anything away from your child.

It means you are human in a situation that asks a great deal of you.

Counselling and psychotherapy offer parents a space that is often missing elsewhere — a space where you are seen, heard, and supported. Not because your child matters less, but because parents matter too. Therapeutic support can help parents process emotional impact, navigate transitions with greater containment, and rebuild a sense of steadiness within themselves.

When parents are supported, children benefit too.

You were never meant to do this alone.

References

Hayes, S.A. and Watson, S.L. (2013) ‘The impact of parenting stress: A meta-analysis of studies comparing parents of children with and without autism spectrum disorder’, Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 43(3), pp. 629–642.

Iao, L.S. (2024) ‘Well-being in parents of neurodivergent children’, Frontiers in Psychology, 15, Article 11496123.

Pardo-Salamanca, A. et al. (2024) ‘Parenting stress in parents of autistic and ADHD children’, Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15, Article 12167323.

Faden, S.Y., Merdad, N. and Faden, Y.A. (2023) ‘Parental stress and perceived social support in parents of children with neurodevelopmental disorders’, BMC Psychology, 11(1), pp. 1–12.

Rodriguez, C.M. et al. (2019) ‘Parenting stress and parent–child functioning’, Journal of Child and Family Studies, 28(5), pp. 1307–1318.